I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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