sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
