I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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