so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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