this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
