Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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