apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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