sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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