I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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