my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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