So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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