Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
