Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
