The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
