you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
