I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
