i was born a porn star she said
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
