why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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