just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
