i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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