Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
