I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The adults are the big ones right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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