I just pynch a tree in the face
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
