need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
