My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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