her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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