Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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