I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize