When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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