What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
