Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
