party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
