What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
