guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
