We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
