Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
