A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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