You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
