sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
