everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
