just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
