You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
