My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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