all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Im part way to drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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