thus making me awesome and them whores
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
