just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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