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I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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