Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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