Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
