OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize