He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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