1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize