I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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