a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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