...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
