Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Congratulations! We have a period
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
