There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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