Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize