So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think your dad took our porno
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
