FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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