i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize