never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
